Petraeus Claims ‘Broadwell Affair’ Not Premeditated, Spontaneously Caused By...
Based on a leaked transcript of his recent Congressional testimony, General David Petraeus continues to claim that his affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell, was not planned or premeditated, but...
View ArticleWhy GOP Is Trying To Censor Thanksgiving Play of ‘Alice’s Restaurant’
“GIVEN THE FACT THAT THEY’RE ‘SOUNDALIKES,’ WE WERE JUST AFRAID THE PUBLIC WOULD MISTAKE ARLO GUTHRIE’S YELLS OF ‘KILL, KILL, KILL‘ — FOR LINDSEY GRAHAM’S RECENT STATEMENTS ABOUT OBAMA AND SUSAN...
View ArticleA Rejected Grover Claims He’s Even Worse Off Than ‘Elmo’
“AFTER HAVING NUMEROUS GOP POLITICIANS EMPHATICALLY REJECT MY INFAMOUS ‘TAX PLEDGE,’ I FEEL MORE HUMILIATED THAN HAVING A PERVERT WITH HIS HAND UP MY ASS.” The Elmo story here. BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin...
View ArticleOn Fiscal Cliff, GOP Spurns Grover In Favor of Wile E. Coyote
“MR. COYOTE HAS ADVISED OUR ENTIRE CAUCUS TO JUST KEEP ON RUNNING ON THE SAME PLATFORM … NO MATTER HOW DRAMATICALLY THE GROUND MAY HAVE SHIFTED.” ——————————————————————————————————————- GOP denying not...
View ArticleGOP Accuses Susan Rice of Misleading Statements, on ‘The War on Xmas’
“AMBASSADOR RICE CLAIMED THAT THE ATTACK WAS A SPONTANEOUS REACTION TO THE TEDIUM OF THE CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. AND EVER SINCE, WE’VE BEEN ON NATIONAL TELEVISION CRYING: WAA WAAA… WAAA WAAA...
View ArticleThe Secret Fear That Drove GOP To Disable the UN Disabilities Treaty
“THIS TREATY WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MANDATED PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FOR THE DISABLED, BY SUBSIDIZING THEIR TRADE-IN OF WHEELCHAIRS FOR EITHER BLACK HELICOPTERS, OR AT LEAST THE FULLY LOADED COUGAR 9000,...
View ArticleGOP Backs Off Medicare Attacks, Proposes Raising KINDERGARTEN Age to 67
“UNDER THIS PROPOSAL, WE DRASTICALLY CUT THE COST OF PUBLIC EDUCATION, GET RID OF 90% OF TEACHERS, AND CREATE A WHOLE NEW GENERATION OF IGNORAMUSES INCLINED TO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.”...
View ArticleGOP Senators Redirect Their Fire, From Susan Rice to Uncle Ben’s Rice
“WE THINK OUR BASE WILL BE SATISFIED AS LONG AS WE’RE ENGAGING IN CHARACTER ASSASSINATION OF SOMEONE WHO REMINDS THEM OF OBAMA, PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY’LL EASILY BELIEVE THAT UNCLE BEN HAD SOMETHING TO...
View ArticleNRA Offers Ban on Assault Weapons, in Video Games
“WE’RE ALSO PREPARED TO CONCEDE THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS CREATED BY ANIMATED CHARACTERS, AND THAT FEDERAL FUNDS SHOULD BE USED TO REBUILD ROADS AND BRIDGES IN GRAND THEFT AUTO.”...
View ArticleRichard Engel Explains Why Syrian Soldiers Refused To Release Him
“THEY KEPT ASKING, ‘HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE A FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT, WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT’.”
View ArticleHere’s a Real Solution: Put Schools In Every NRA Office!
“NOW, WHILE THERE’S NO GUARANTEE THAT THIS WILL PREVENT EVERY INCIDENT OF STUPIDITY AND IGNORANCE, THAT’S NO EXCUSE FOR NOT TRYING TO AT LEAST MINIMIZE THE CONSTANT ASSAULT ON COMMON SENSE.”...
View ArticleFor SECDEF, Obama Ditches Chuck Hagel for Hegel
“IT’S ALL TOO APPARENT THAT IN THIS HIGHLY POLARIZED CLIMATE, THE ONLY NOMINEES WHO CAN PASS MUSTER ARE THE ONES WHOSE PUBLIC STATEMENTS AND WRITINGS ARE COMPLETELY INDECIPHERABLE TO CONGRESS.”
View ArticleNY Jets’ Humiliation of Tim Tebow Reaches Biblical Proportions
“WE’RE NOT STARTING HIM AT QUARTERBACK, LETTING HIM RUN THE WILDCAT, OR EVEN PLAY SPECIAL TEAMS…. BUT HE HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO PLAY THE ROLE OF ‘DEVILS’ ADVOCATE’ DURING OUR TEAM PRAYER MEETING.”
View ArticleTea Partiers Complain Boston Tea Partiers Got Raw Deal
“THEY BASICALLY GAVE AWAY THEIR LEVERAGE BY JUST DUMPING THE TEA INTO THE HARBOR; WE WOULD’VE BURNT DOWN THE SHIP, CALLED KING GEORGE III A MUSLIM, AND DEPORTED ALL THE INDIANS FROM WHOM WE STOLE OUR...
View ArticleChuck Hagel’s Secret ‘Offense’ to Secure Job at Defense
“IF I DON’T GET THE SUPPORT OF MY FORMER COLLEAGUES ON THE REPUBLICAN SIDE OF THE AISLE, I MAY JUST NOMINATE LINDSEY GRAHAM … FOR AMBASSADOR TO LUXEMBOURG.”
View ArticleBrent Musburger Urges Obama Administration to Print Platinum Blondes
“I TOLD PRESIDENT OBAMA TO FORGET ABOUT THE TREASURY PRINTING PLATINUM COINS, AND DO SOMETHING FOR THIS COUNTRY TO MAKE SURE WE DON’T DEFAULT ON HOT YOUNG SORORITY GIRLS.”...
View ArticleBrent Musburger Does It Again, at a WNBA Game!
“NOW YOU YOUNG GIRLS OUT THERE, IF YOU WANT A HOT GIRL LIKE THAT, START DRIBBLING A BASKETBALL.”
View ArticleThe Ultimate Way, to Trick the NRA
“THERE APPEARS TO BE A CONSENSUS THAT IF WE IMPOSE A HUGE TAX ON ASSAULT WEAPONS AND HIGH CAPACITY MAGAZINES, THESE FOLKS MIGHT JUST PROTEST BY DUMPING ALL OF THAT CRAP IN THE HARBOR.”...
View ArticleKudos to Colin, But Couldn’t He Have Followed His Own ‘Powell Doctrine’?
“THOSE CRAZY RACIST MOTHERFUCKERS THINK THEY HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ME? WHAT THEY REALLY DESERVE IS TO TANGO WITH DJANGO.”
View ArticleA Desperate Wayne LaPierre Really Riles Up the Survivalists
“OK, OK, SO MAYBE OBAMA WON’T TAKE AWAY YOUR HUNTING RIFLES AND SHOTGUNS, BUT HE IS THREATENING YOUR VERY WAY OF LIFE … BY COMING AFTER YOUR CAN OPENERS.” ————————————————————————————————————— The...
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